Sisterhood: It's Quinntessential

Some of the best and worst times of my life include a hug from one of my best friends. My girl-gang, my tribe, my squad, my sisters. The relationships I’ve made over the last 10+ years have been the most life-changing. I seriously hit the best friend JACKPOT.  Sisterhood is central to who I am, I can’t imagine my life without them. Like I can look back on so many memories sharing tears (of joy and pain) in the arms of these women. 

As a kid, my parents used to have very “lively” conversations, and my earliest memories of my sister are of her whisking me away to calm me down and clean my face. I have a friend who lives near a smaller airport, where they don’t scream at you to keep moving while you wait at Arrivals. And every time she’d pick me up, we’d run into each other’s arms and scream like Aunt Viv and her sisters! When grief would knock me down and I could cry in the lap of my friend at church. Like the church is going up in a full penticostal praise break, and here I am balled up soaking her lap in my tears.  When you meet up with your everyday “come hither! Target run!” friend after being apart for months! Or the virtual hugs that facetime brings when you and your girls all have covid at the same time (solidarity, ya know). I could keep going on and on because my friends quite literally hold me through everything. It's crazy though, that sometimes life gets in the way of embracing the joy they give me. 

I have a best friend who for a long time had been like the other side of the same coin for me. Heavy on the “You see her, you see me” energy. Her presence was quinntessential to the later years of my college career. From bar hopping to figuring out meals for 2+ people on $75 a month. Holidays with all my family to getting me down the aisle. I could easily run into her arms for really anything. 

Cager and I got engaged while we were still students at a tiny Christian PWI. Ring by Spring was a common thing and you could hear the names of newly engaged couples in everyone's conversation. And while I wanted to be more lowkey, our experience was no different. It takes Cager and my bf to tell you how crazy it was to just keep it a secret! On the Tuesday following the engagement, I sat quietly in my afternoon class minding my own business, hoping that class would start soon so that it could be over soon. I was an education major and the majority of our classes are taught by former teachers and mimic a typical elementary classroom. Our overly peppy professor stood in the front of the room and in her classic elementary voice said, "Did anyone do anything exciting this weekend?" 

Although my class was full of hopeful teachers, none of us were ever too eager to participate. We sat in silence for a moment before someone finally decided to share, and all the while I began to become more and more consumed with angst hoping that no one would mention my weekend. The girl sharing was talking about how her cousin had gotten married. The angst was rising. Have you ever felt that your thoughts dictated what would happen next in your life--like the person next to you read your thoughts and did exactly what you were thinking? The girl promptly finished her story and our peppy professor proceeded to ask, "anyone else?" and before another second passed the entire back row (or so it seemed) exclaimed, "PARIS DID!" It was as if they had all read my thoughts and telepathically conspired to announce my business in unison! Dr. Peppy perceived that it must have been a juicy story from their enthusiasm and HUNTY, SHE ATE IT UP.

"Really? What did you do?"

"I got engaged."

"WHAT?! Well tell us about it! I hope it was better than mine. My husband proposed in a dark garage!"

"Um.. it was at the beach."

It basically went on that way for what seemed like eternity but was probably 5 minutes max. Dr. Peppy excitedly prodding, and all of my replies being delivered in a sheepish and reluctant sort of way. Once the interrogation was over I tried hard to be cool, but ended up leaving class after 30 minutes of trying to contain deep embarrassment. I truly only like to be the center of attention when the activity is under my control! My birthday, when I make a big meal to share with franns, when I look really good in a dress - dass it. Other than that, gon and let me sit in this corner by myself before I puke. I’m an introvert with a PINCH of extroversion. But introvert was in FULL effect that day!

I ran to my apartment, dropped my things and ran back out. I was too overwhelmed to sit still or even to be alone. I went straight to Cager's apartment and he wasn't home. Luckily for me, he lived just across the courtyard from my best friend, but the stars were not aligned in my favor because she wasn’t home either. I was on the verge of tears and started to rush towards the gym. I needed to hide and I figured I wouldn't know anyone there, but before I crossed the street to the gym who did I hear calling after me? My best friend. I broke down into a ugly cry! (like that dad in the clip from Intervention, y'all know the one). I hid out in her place calming down before I had to move on to the next thing on my schedule. 

It wouldn’t be the last time that she would be a safe space or my buffer from the world. From making sure no one bothered me at my mother’s repast to trying to throw a pandemic sprinkle, she’s been there. And while we’ve always shown up when it really mattered, what no one ever told us was the impact time, distance, or life’s nonsense could have on our relationship. We went through a season (also see: years) where our love was just as deep but our flow was off. We talked about this very thing recently and she summed it up perfectly, “Like it’s never been love lost with you. … but more like, idk what’s going on but I hope my friend is okay while I’m dealing with my own shit.” We didn't have a blueprint or even the words to capture what that felt like as it was happening. 

I think that's why I loved the way Insecure captured Issa and Molly’s relationship and really their sisterhood. I would watch it like, “if this ain’t us!!”. It’s the first time I saw a real sisterhood depicted. It’s not always kiki’s and good times. Sometimes it’s weird, sometimes there’s conflict, sometimes it’s history holding you together until you can find your way back to yall. We all need a sisterhood to hold us down in joy and sorrow and I got to see that played out between Molly and Issa over the seasons but especially in the finale. We got to see the ebb and flow of their relationship and it culminated in this exchange – Issa is getting Molly out of her wedding dress and Molly says, “thank you for loving me while I was me." some I love you’s and a what?! A HUG!  “I’ve never been more wrecked by a fictional “I love you” in life! Had me crying like Jordan!  I’m watching this, absolutely coming undone, and once I cleared the tears enough to see my phone:

“I love you” 

“I love you too. … Insecure had me thinking of you.”

We were thinking the same thing. 

We recently had the chance to spend a few days together, no baby (sorry, Sis), no S.O., not for a tragedy or emergency, mental health okay(ish); and we were right back in the flow. Finishing sentences, laughing at the same time in the same key, back like we never left! At one point, I actually said, “I didn’t realize how much I missed you.” We exchanged a lot of sentiments and I love you’s that weekend because it not only felt good to be together but to be in sync with one another. I really worry about the girls without a gang, the ones who don’t know that kind of love. I’m so lucky to have a few, these strangers turned sisters because their love helps to make up the essence of me.

This scene in the bathroom was the final scene I shot as molly. During one of the takes, @The_A_Prentice told me to go off script and thank @IssaRae for how she changed my life. We were crying for real FOR REAL. #InsecureHBO pic.twitter.com/ZsjrpDkDLo

— Yvonne Orji (@YvonneOrji) December 27, 2021